The F & F Equation

I always thought that the ‘Friends and Family’ are the two wings that determine the flight of our psychosomatic balance. And for so many reasons based on my personal knowledge, I considered that the existence of the duo within the circumference of our lives is dependent on the temperament of one another. In fact, their symbiotic relationship is such that, without both, our life stands to be blurred and unsteady. To this special link, I refer it as “F & F Equation”. 

As much as the family is important to us, so are friends. But as one begins to have our own family, it is like putting an end to the journey of our friendship.

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8 years back during my teaching practice at Samtse, I remember one of the lady teachers sharing her experiences of losing friends after the marriage. I was often praised that time for surfacing a top-notch and convivial friendship with my friends. But what was there in the store of our fate is only lately known.

Like hers, the once used-to-be tied knot of my friendship gradually got slackened and with a few, it has withered almost completely. Corrosion seems to have taken place developing some friction in our conversational acceptance. And that longtime ritual of saying “Yes” to the things that one can perform has now turned to fantasy.  

While the family is one thing that deserves a lion’s share of our attention, friends are another that should obtain some equal dividends too. Even with one’s strong family, I believe, we will still need friends, either high or low. Nothing is as hard and painful as the ache we grieve due to the suspense in our friendship. And it is even more painful when it happens strangely without understanding any concrete reasons.

When friends start moving apart without any reliable rationales, it gives a durable emotional catastrophic kick that keeps on hunting one’s mind to quest for an explanation. That gradually sets the limit in befriending with others as well, because if friends are at the end, there to break our emotions.

But in the case of my friends who already have family, I understand that when the family starts, there is a reduction in the size of one’s free time. There will be a paradigm shift in prioritizing ‘what-to-do’ and therefore, so many lists have to be managed within the perimeter of one’s clock.

However, it is never a bad idea to say sincere and polite “NO” to our friends for the things that we cannot execute than suspending the response. Sometimes, trying to adjust the rider of the F & F Equation would be worth doing in investing credibility of an acquaintance.    

“The worst solitude is to be the destitute of sincere friendship” – Francis Bacon