The Many Forms of Human Connections

  

In science education research, some of the interpersonal phenomena that have been explored include social relationships, teacher-student relationships, student-student relationships, fictive kinship, peer relationships, friendship cliques, and peer groups. Although these constructs share a family resemblance with social bonds, at the conceptual level, they are different from social bonds (Wangdi, 2024., p.45)

Someone who has read my thesis recently quoted the work and asked me to explain how social bonds are different compared to other human connections (e.g., relationships, friendships, peer relationships).  

First of all, thanks to the person for showing an interest in my work. 

Although I have explained these claims elsewhere in my thesis, across other chapters and sections, it is possible the reader overlooked this or did not read my explanation of why social bonds are unique and merit more attention than other concepts used to describe human connections. 

Anyways, this is how I simplified. 

In the context of my study, conceptual or theoretical means how each concept is defined, understood, and explained within a theory or academic framework.

For example, my argument was that although social bonds, relationships, friendships, and peer relationships all resemble one another because they involve connections between people, each has its own specific meaning in theory when examined closely, so they should not be treated as identical concepts. 

 

An Example 

Imagine two students, Zala and Roksha in the same class (Year 10):

• They are classmates.
• They work together in the same group based on their classroom seating arrangement. 
• They work in pairs as they sit next to each other.  
• They share their ideas, thoughts, and materials with each other. 
• They spend time together in the class or at school.
• They are in the same grade and same age group (peer). 

Considering all the conditions above, we may argue that Zala and Roksha enjoy a very good relationship, friendship, or more specifically, a peer relationship. However, it is hard to argue whether they share a social bond.  

That is why, when various concepts or constructs are used to describe human connections, different theories describe their connection differently. 

Here is the breakdown:

Relationship
A relationship is simply an ongoing connection between two or more people. It does not necessarily imply closeness.

Example:
Zala  and Roksha shares a connection more specifically called a student-student relationship. 

Friendship
Friendship is a specific type of relationship characterised by affection, trust, mutual choice, and shared experiences.

Example:
Zala and Roksha choose to spend times together in the class or at school because they enjoy each other’s company.

Peer relationship

This is a kind of relationship between individuals of similar age, status, or position. It may or may not involve friendship.

Example:
Zala and Roksha are peers because they share the same status (Year 10). Even if they minimally interact, they can still share a peer relationship. 

But when it comes to the concept of social bonds, we cannot argue that Zala and Roksha share a healthy (intact or secure) social bond. 

Social bond

A social bond refers to the social and emotional connection between people. Social bonds are more than just having a contact with, or being connected to, someone. They involve a deeper emotional connection.

 

According to Scheff (1997), a social bond involves two elements: Social connection due to which people interact, communicate, and maintain some form of relationship with people who matter to them. 

Example: 

A person may regularly talk with a friend, seek their support, and spend time with them because they value that connection. The focus is on the interaction and the desire for connection.

 

Emotional connection due to which people feel attachment, trust, care, belonging, or mutual understanding, shows the emotional strength of the connection. 

Example: 

A student and teacher may communicate regularly, but if the student feels genuinely respected, recognised, accepted, and supported by the teacher, there is an emotional bond exists. Here, the focus is not simply on contact but on the quality of the connection.

 

So, the key point here is that, not every relationship between people is a social bond. Based on Zala and Roksha belonging to the same class (Year 10), they: 

• Share a working relationship (peer relationship).
• Cooperate to complete tasks (peer learning, pair learning)
• Sit together in class (group).

These are relationships, but they may not involve a geuine emotional connection. However, if Zala or Roksha, or vice versa feels accepted, respected, and understood by the other, then their social bond is strong.

A social bond exists when there is something deeper, such as:

·     mutual trust

·     respect

·     recognition

·     emotional attachment 

·     a sense of belonging

Although Zala and Roksha’s example can fit various concepts of human connections, but each concept focuses on something different.

 

Analogy 

A simple analogy is the words Vehicle, Car, Sedan, and Electric Car. They are related as something used for transportation, but they are not identical.

• Vehicle is the broad category.
• Car is one type of vehicle.
• Sedan is one type of car.
• Electric car refers to a car powered by electricity.

Similarly, 

• Relationship is the broad idea of people being connected.
• Peer relationship is one type of relationship.
• Friendship is another type of relationship.
• Social bond is not merely another type of relationship. It is a theoretical concept that refers to the quality and strength of the emotional connection within a relationship.

Finally, my argument that these concepts are unique at the conceptual or theoretical levelmeans that each concept has its own definition, assumptions, and role within a particular theory. Although they overlap in everyday life, researchers keep them distinct because they explain different dimensions of human social life.

Ume Lam : The Middle Path

One of my friends who is self-funding his postgraduate studies in Australia shared his struggles of juggling between work and studies. His sombre tone manifested a lower self-esteem. The gist of his talk was that, unlike others, nothing seemed to be going well with his life. 

I could relate to Cooley's (1922) and Goffman’s (1959) Social Self in action through his disappointments. 

Social Self describes how oneself or a person’s identity (e.g., character, belief, values, experience, self-image) is shaped by how one appears to others. It involves understanding oneself through the lens of other people. The theoretical assumption of social theories is that self is not a fixed entity within individuals but instead, a dynamic social process which is constantly shaped and reshaped by our interactions with others and our social environment. 

In Scheff’s (1997) micro-sociological theory, he extends the concept of the social self by relating it to emotions, asserting that self-processes lead to feelings of either pride or shame.

I reassured him that comparing our lives with others is like a double-edged sword. If we consider it positively, it may motivate us to strive for better achievements. But if view it negatively, it may trigger feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, or discontent especially if we perceive ourselves as lacking when compared to others.

Every one of us is unique. That is, each one of us has our share of circumstances, challenges, and opportunities in our lives. When we draw comparisons, we unknowingly or knowingly fail to acknowledge these differences, leading to unfair assessments. Although it is inevitable to completely avoid comparisons, finding a middle way, which is a holistic and balanced approach is essential in one’s life.  

Why Comparing with Others is Good    

When I see others succeed, I get motivated and inspired by their success. This helps me to have my own goals and work harder to reach higher goals. I have found out that it led to my personal growth and enhanced the pursuit of new opportunities. Comparing myself with others also functioned as a benchmark to measure my progress. In doing so, it helped me in setting realistic goals and understand what is achievable.

People to whom I look always provide me a learning opportunities, thereby providing valuable lessons and strategies for my growth. I learned to adopt best practices and avoid pitfalls by learning from others’ experiences. In cognitive language, it stimulated my self-reflection or metacognition, prompting a deeper understanding of my strengths and weaknesses. All of these aided my personal development and improved my self-awareness.

Why Comparing with Others is NOT Good

I found that comparing myself with others was bringing more harm than good. I had to pressure myself with some unrealistic expectations beyond my capacity to be on par with others. When those expectations were not met, I had to cope with deep disappointment and frustration. My self-esteem lowered when I constantly compared myself with others. At times, this made me feel inadequate or inferior. Inferior complexity further affected my mental health and deteriorated my overall well-being.

What I have forgotten by comparing myself with others was that I have completely ignored my progress and never appreciated the truer version of me. This means I have overlooked my achievements and progress of what I have done myself before. I felt myself suffering from a lack of motivation, increased stress, and anxiety, making my life more overwhelming.

So, what am I practising now? 

 

Ume Lam: The Middle Way

As a devoted Mahayana Buddhist, I strive to seek solace in the ideals of Ume Lam. Also known as the Middle Path, Ume Lam is one of the fundamental yet profound philosophies in Buddhism. In conceptualising Ume Lam, a person seeks to take a middle way that involves finding a balance between extremes in all conditions, events, or incidences. That is not to confuse with compromising one thing and being in the middle to avert the negative impact of both extremes.

Another best way to conceptualise the phenomenon of Ume Lam is through the ideals of Chogshay in Buddhism. The direct English equivalent for chogshay is contentment, which means knowing the boundary. In a deeper sense, ume lam may also be associated with realising emptiness, the extremes of existence and non-existence. 

Although it is easier said than done, practising ume lam is not everybody’s cup of tea. This is because most of us largely struggle to pursue our personal goals and instead live our lives to meet societal expectations. We dwell in a tradition where conformation to the expectations and norms of the larger community comes at the cost of our authentic selves. For example, nowadays, we are easily swayed by the definition of success or failure from the way society dictates and not the way we understand it. Just as success is often equated with having advanced qualifications, driving luxury cars, possessing fat bank deposits, owning massive property, or dining in luxury hotels, failure is not having any. Instead of living the middle way (a balanced approach), sadly, these attributes are increasingly used as benchmarks to compare our lives in this contemporary society. 

Comparison is the thief of joy, they say. I have felt this is true because it has only discounted my self-confidence and morale whenever I compared my life with others. For example, I was consistently ranked first in four separate interviews to pursue a master’s degree through prestigious scholarships from 2009 to 2012. Despite having good grades and accomplishment records than my counterparts, I could not make it through the interview, leaving me feeling emotionally and morally low. Knowing that those selected from the interviews had less impressive academic records and credentials than me was even more heartbreaking. 

Because I was still in the auto-mode of comparing myself with others, my ego further aggravated my self-esteem. In 2013, I gave a shot at another scholarship. This scholarship was not much sought after and garnered less interest in its recipients by many, possibly due to limited financial benefits or the study location being in a neighbouring country. It was not surprising that I was selected for the scholarship 😏. 

However, for me, the scholarship was still a novel privilege. After securing this opportunity, I avoided comparing or thinking of the previous four prestigious scholarships I could not secure. I also cared less about what others thought but rather focused on excelling in my scholarship prospects. From that moment on, as others say, the rest became history.

By saying history, I do not imply being more successful (or whatever it connotes). Rather than comparing myself with others, I began to compare my today with my yesterday. I learned to be better by seizing every opportunity I had at that specific moment instead of lamenting about things beyond my control. That is why, my thesis project which involved creating an innovative hands-on model for demonstrating a physics law resulted in me being the recipient of the Certificate of Invention and Petty Patent. This accomplishment marked me as the first international student to achieve this distinction in my university. 

I am not sure whether I would have achieved this milestone if I had been selected for any of the four scholarships I failed to secure. Through this achievement, I became more familiar with the ideals of tendrel, another Buddhist precept that infers every phenomenon to be the result of causes and conditions. That is to say that success or failure is the consequence of the mutual presence of causes and conditions. We have our own time to bloom in our unique way and at our own pace. Appreciating this truth has potentially allowed me to grow in the direction of positivity and fulfilment in my life. 

It has helped me to ritualise the essence of chogshay by focusing on my personal goals. It is always fulfilling to have my personal goals designed based on my aspirations and conditions, rather than trying to mimic others. Irrespective of being small or big, I always celebrate my progress. This habit of regularly acknowledging and celebrating personal milestones and achievements keeps me moving forward, slowly and steadily. 

Saying that I do not compare with others can also be a partial truth. But knowing that comparing myself with others comes with both positive and negative bearing, I always strive to approach such comparisons mindfully with a balanced perspective. For example, when I notice someone achieving greater heights in their career or life, I draw inspiration and learn from them, without focusing on measuring my self-worth. I tend to look inward (e.g., my personal growth, setting realistic goals, and rejoicing in my milestones) and not outward (e.g., career progress, life achievements, social status, lifestyle choices, and material possessions). Maintaining a balance (Ume Lam) between these extremes in all conditions helps me to appreciate others without feeling diminished or overshadowed and at the same time live with my own set of values and aspirations. As my blog subtitle reads, I always find comfort in the idea: Does not always have to be a rose to smell sweet.

Transformative Phdsynthesis: Part 3

 

I have completed my PhD precisely within my scholarship milestone. During this journey, I have experienced profound transformations, akin to the complex process of photosynthesis in plants. 

Just as plants produce energy and oxygen by converting carbon dioxide, and water in the presence of sunlight and chlorophyll, my journey involved synthesising new knowledge to advance and complement the existing pool of literature. This transformative process, which I have termed Transformative Phdsynthesis, indicates the synthesis of complex ideas and contributions that define my doctoral experience.

In the following, I explain each component of my Transformative Phdsynthesis in turn.  

Challenges

I compare challenges to carbon dioxide. 

Carbon dioxide is a powerful greenhouse gas that contributes significantly to ecological and human health. However, carbon dioxide plays a crucial role in sustaining our life through photosynthesis and the carbon cycle. 

I understand that challenges made me experience significant stress and burnout that potentially hindered my motivation, progress, and overall well-being. Challenges occurred to me in the form of complex research problems, managing time, or meeting high academic standards. All of these required a huge effort to think critically, develop deep understanding, and determination to overcome with new knowledge contributions. My ability to complete PhD was due to the carbon dioxide of challenges that fostered personal and professional growth, enhancing resilience and problem-solving skills.

Diligence

Diligence is similar to water in photosynthesis. 

Water is an essential element in photosynthesis because it provides the hydrogen needed for the conversion of carbon dioxide into glucose and releases oxygen as a byproduct. 

To generate byproducts (Knowledge and Enrichment, see below), I realised how continuous water of diligence was important in my PhD journey. I had to remain careful, demonstrate attention to detail, and display consistent effort. 

Feedback

Feedback is like the sunlight. 

During photosynthesis, sunlight provides the energy to initiate the chemical reactions that convert carbon dioxide and water into glucose and oxygen. 

No matter how much I claimed that I knew, I needed feedback from my supervisors, panels, and reviewers. The sunlight of feedback showed guidance and directions, refinement of ideas, and shaping of my PhD research project on the right track.  

GRIT (Gumption, Resilience, Ingenuity, Tenacity)

I compare GRIT to chlorophyll. 

Chlorophyll is an important pigment in photosynthesis that absorbs sunlight (energy) which then helps in converting carbon dioxide and water into glucose and oxygen. 

To capture and absorb the feedback from different experts and convert it into useful energy, I needed the chlorophyll of grit which is composed of four elements: gumption, resilience, ingenuity, and tenacity.

Being gumptious, I remained proactive, determined, and resourceful to complete my PhD despite challenges. With resilience, I was able to bounce back when I was feeling low and endure setbacks with a stronger mentality. The elements of ingenuity helped me adapt to unforeseen learning situations, and handle undesirable turns and twists, and unexpected outcomes. With tenacity, I persistently toiled to progress my PhD even if the process was gruelling and tiring. 

Knowledge

Knowledge in the form of a thesis (currently) is akin to glucose production in photosynthesis.

Glucose is an essential source of energy for sustaining plant life, supporting ecosystem dynamics, and contributing to the production of oxygen essential for aerobic respiration. 

With my PhD, I gained a deep and specialised understanding of knowledge in the scholarship of social bonds and metacognition (my field of research). My study generated original and novel insights thereby potentially advancing and complementing the existing literature and having practical applications in science teaching and learning.  

Enrichment

I compare enrichment with oxygen. 

Oxygen is one important element that is indispensable for supporting life, forming an ozone layer to protect against UV radiation, and necessary for the respiratory process.

During my PhD, enrichment occurred in the form of developing my skills, values, and competencies. This oxygen of enrichment was vital for my personal development, intellectual development, and professional development to enable me to work independently and collaboratively. These elements of enrichment continue to be essential in supporting my ongoing growth and transformation into a valuable human being. 

Transformative Phdsynthesis: Part 2

 My experience of embarking on a PhD journey was both challenging and transformative.

Challenging because I had to cope with difficult intellectual and emotional demands while navigating through complex research problems and moving beyond known boundaries of current literature to develop my original contributions of knowledge. Due to the length and nature of this rigorous academic demand, it was intellectually tiring and emotionally draining, which put my resilience and perseverance to an acid test. 

 

Despite these challenges, my PhD journey was deeply transformative. Based on this experience, I argue why my article is titled, Transformative Phdsynthesis Part 3 🤭. A PhD leads to a remarkable achievement not only in terms of academic scholarship but also in terms of developing personal growth and significant soft skills (e.g., critical thinking, problem-solving skills, resilience, and adaptability). I realised how resilient I was in navigating the rigorous academic journey and appreciated that I was able to complete it. Now, I have developed a profound respect and admiration for those who have completed their PhD – not because I have done it but because I understand the profound transformation it entails.

 

In pursuing PhD, I realised that identifying challenges was one thing but understanding how to mitigate those challenges was quite another. That is why, I was very cautious in balancing my area of control, out of my control, and the area of influence (see Figure below). 

 

Understanding the areas within my control helped me to manage them effectively and experience meaningful progress. Identifying the factors beyond my control facilitated me to make appropriate mitigations and prevent unnecessary shocks and setbacks. Knowing the area of influence reminded me to advance with a more balanced approach to achieving academically and personally. 

 

In My Control 

I identified that some of the following things were in my control: 

 

Self-motivation

Keeping the flame of self-motivation was crucial for me. I achieved this by constantly encouraging myself and drawing inspiration from my role models. Drawing from the knowledge I learned during the Young Professional Leadership Program, I nurtured a robust growth mindset. I believed that, when others can, I can.  

 

Health and Wellbeing

Taking care of my health (physical & mental) was my topmost priority although I faced challenges along the way. I reminded myself that a healthy person without a PhD can survive but a doctorate without good health would be miserable to imagine. That’s why, self-care habits such as going for evening walks, sleeping on time, and managing stress were consciously practised. I also sought support from healthcare professionals when needed. 

 

Feedback and Improvement

Seeking feedback from my supervisors helped me to advance my PhD progress. However actively seeking input in the form of normal conversation from my seniors, peers, and close friends allowed me to identify blind spots and areas for improvement. For example, discussing my work with some of my friends in related fields led to constructive criticism that mostly transpired in knowledge co-elaboration.

 

Time Management

Focusing on my primary purpose (i.e., to pursue PhD), I dedicated my time solely to it. Although it was challenging to juggle between academics, personal, family, and social life, I did it. I attended social gatherings to take much-needed breaks from the constant study. I did not stress over covering what I missed when I was at such gatherings. To make up for the lost time, I set small and realistic goals to progress. I minimised procrastination or drowning in the sea of social media which often diverted my focus to my study. 

 

Work Habit

I identified that establishing a good work habit (focusing on the required work) requires a conducive environment. I preferred working from home. The COVID-19 pandemic has further limited my mobility. But having a fixed work environment (a separate room) at home helped me easily locate things and track progress. I developed a discipline to work constantly and consistently even if the progress I made was very minimal. For example, at times, I struggled to complete a single paragraph after a full day of effort 😥🥺.  

Out of My Control 

            Not everything progresses as planned. The unexpected is bound to happen and preparation for it is crucial. I had some issues that were out of my control as discussed below: 

Research Results

Even with a rigorous plan and timeline for execution, outcomes can be unpredictable. My initial plan was to use an ethnomethodological face-to-face interface to collect data in Bhutan. However, the COVID-19 outbreak suddenly altered my plans. Since my research results depended on various factors such as data collection processes and the availability of the participants as proposed, my research outcomes were impacted. This led to frustrations and disappointment, creating anxiety about achieving my PhD milestones.

Supervisors’ Feedback

Supervisors provide feedback based on their experience, backgrounds, and expectations. The feedback would be favourable, unfavourable, and occasionally unpredictable, calling for significant revisions. Favourable feedback boosted my confidence. Unfavourable feedback was depressing and gave me feelings of helplessness and demotivation. However, I took a challenge to improve my personal and professional development regardless. 

Institutional Policies

Regardless of how well-established the institutional regulations were, the COVID-19 epidemic led to changes in policy, implementation, and resource allocation. Even if it appeared minor changes, some adjustments caused anxiety and impeded my progress. For example, the workspace for PhD students was changed due to the pandemic, and I had to switch workspace three times. My lack of a fixed workspace required me to move my study materials along with me. Considering the safety during the pandemic, I opted to study in my apartment. I remain grateful to my university for all support services (e.g., library access from home). 

Anonymous External Reviewers

As required, my thesis was sent to anonymous external reviewers following the Final Seminar for a window period of 3 months. Reviewers are specialists from other universities who are experts in my research field. Due to their wide experiences and expertise, they provided thorough, objective, and critical evaluations of my thesis. The long wait during the review period was nerve-wracking because unfavourable feedback could necessitate substantial revisions and impact my eligibility for graduation with a PhD.

Technology Failure

Unexpected technology glitches were beyond my control. Such failures caused significant disruptions, leading to stress, frustration, and delays in progress and overall productivity. For example, my one-year-old Mac started overheating intensely during data analysis, forcing me to replace it with a brand-new one. Likewise, a huge volume of data required me to purchase qualitative data analysis software from the UK through a friend. 

Global Phenomena (e.g., COVID-19)

My PhD journey began in 2020 when COVID-19 infection was surging. Nearly a year and a half later, international borders closed. My original proposal included plans to collect data from Bhutan by personally involving myself using video methods. However, I had to revise this plan to an online synchronous mode. The closure of schools due to the pandemic also made me anxious about the availability of research participants for my study. Fortunately, my research was conducted during a brief period when schools reopened after the pandemic subsided, but this window was short-lived. I realised that any phenomenon with a global impact could unpredictably affect my study, creating a sense of uncertainty and helplessness that significantly impacted my emotional well-being and disrupted study timelines. 

Influence Zone  

While juggling the issues that were within and beyond my control, I found that there were certain areas where I could leverage to my advantage even if complete control over the factors themselves was impossible. I call this the Influence Zone.

Learning Opportunities

I engaged in various learning opportunities that were mostly free. Actively participating in those learning opportunities in the form of workshops, seminars, and online courses, enriched my knowledge and skills. 

However, not all learning opportunities were equally accessible or relevant. A times, I encountered resource limitations (e.g., especially time). Often, certain opportunities did not align well with my research needs. Even if the learning opportunities were free, identifying irrelevant opportunities was crucial to avoid information overload and maintaining focus on my work. 

Feedback and Improvement

The iterative process of receiving feedback from supervisors, peers, and experts was crucial in refining my research approach and progressing my PhD. 

I learned that feedback for any academic work could entail subjectivity and vary significantly. At times, the part of my work that was rated acceptable and approved in earlier phases of a milestone was still deemed inadequate in subsequent phases by panels and reviewers. However, having immersed myself exclusively in my research for four years, I gained the necessary motivation and confidence to navigate those differences. All the feedback I obtained was instrumental in making me think outside of the box. 

Collaboration Dynamics

Although my PhD research was an individual project, building strong professional rapport with supervisors and peers significantly enriched my research experience. Collaborative efforts resulted in an exchange of resources, ideas, and support, creating a more productive and innovative learning environment. 

I identified that collaboration dynamics were influenced by multiple factors (e.g., personality, differing work styles, language, and culture). For example, as English was not my first language, communicating nuanced or intended meaning often posed challenges.  However, these experiences provided valuable opportunities to learn how others use English in academic and communication contexts, thereby enhancing my communication skills during collaboration.

Summary 

Identifying the factors within my control during my PhD journey helped me to maintain focus, resilience, and steady (even if it was slow) progress despite challenges. Prioritising self-motivation, health, feedback, time management, and good work habits significantly contributed to overall well-being. 

Out-of-control factors aroused a range of undesirable emotions (e.g., stress, frustration, anxiety, and demotivation), making things appear unpredictable, unstable, and challenging to remain focused and positive. Acknowledging these factors were beyond my control helped me develop coping strategies and focus on aspects of the PhD journey that I could manage, thereby maintaining a healthier emotional state.

Recognising the Influence Zone (e.g., learning opportunities, feedback, and collaboration dynamics) allowed me to maximise their benefits while being mindful of potential obstacles. By carefully navigating these factors, I could focus on actionable steps to leverage the opportunities they present, and choose a balanced approach, rather than feeling overwhelmed, and eventually completed my PhD 💪.