Which Death is Never Painless?

While it is aching to realize that Death is inevitable, it is even more painful to accept that it occurs anytime, anywhere sans any caution.

The degree of pain is crueller and bitterly punitive beyond compare particularly when the teeth of death gnaws the life of a person who is very close to our heart. At those moments when we are fully immersed in the vessel of death and trapped within the fog of grief and sorrows, any sort of company, spiritual assistance, or psychotherapeutic arrangements which otherwise convince the acceptance of impermanence – at least in our Buddhist essence – simply remains as an act than as antidote for such despair. In a process, as one gets inconsolably drenched by the shower of grievances and mourn over the loss, the safety of our health is deemed secondary and that at times it is even forgotten to the length that we tend to fall ourselves sick.

As one of our student's mothers left to the heavenly abode due to a prolonged bodily illness, in the grief of her loss, I remembered my once-used-to-be-healthy mother put her health at risk by skipping the meals due to a high dejection for the untimely demise of her youngest daughter.

My heart which was also equally wounded found it challenging to persuade my mother that accepting death is a Herculean task, for she survives with the practical wisdom of handling death while I only possess an abstract theoretical Buddhist viewpoint of impermanence. In fact, that silent face of my younger sister was the only first encounter with death in reality.

Watching the death take away the life of my youngest sister in its own design made me realize that we need a very strong filament of courage to confront the upheaval of various emotional upsets during such moments. That theoretical knowledge and understanding about death and temporariness of life do not necessarily help to cope with death particularly when annexed by it. As a victim, our mind goes to such an extent for seeking a wish to grant a ‘stone’ heart that can sense no pain because of this inevitable visit.

The experience of being with dying does not end at the moment of death. At times that distressful grievances can even survive not only for months but for years, which is further aggravated by anniversaries or ceremonial dedications. So it is conventional for us to mourn for the loss as it is rather so natural in the first place. On the other hand, death appears like an unexpected erosion of life designed to erode the physical and emotional bridge that we share with the person who meets the tragedy. As this unfamiliar colonization of our bond takes place, we grief for the moments that we share since it can never happen the same way again. And for the persons who left some terrific memories with us, it is even more difficult to forget about it as we cannot communicate about our plans or moments thereafter, let alone see each other.

However, accepting the mourn for the loss of a life that shares a genetic or emotional bonding with us is one thing, but for how long and when is another to consider. And thus, realizing the form and physique of my mother that never regained its original stature for enduring the pain of bereavement for so long after her daughter’s death, I certainly dint want my student to consume with that same anxiety.

Who else is there that doesn't suffer the pain of losing our beloved ones?

But because death is never painless and certainly inevitable, we must understand that the denial of its visit is impossible beyond dispute. As a person who still holds some validity of living on earth, for the benefit of the demise, to our capacity, we can do is to conduct rituals and erect prayer flags for the swift rebirth in any realms of heaven.   

“The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained” –Anonymous