The Ministry of Education in Bhutan designated April as ‘Positive Parenting Month’
in 2009.
As
a School Parenting Education Awareness (SPEA) focal person then, I took a lead
role in sharing on positive child rearing and parenting styles to the parents
of my students. Although there are myriads of parenting styles, either commonly
practiced or inherited from our parents, psychologists have revealed a plethora
of literature on which and what kind of parenting styles impact best to the
lives of our children.
The
groundbreaking dimensions catalogued by the psychologist Dianna Baumrind, in
the early 1960s still remain as the
bedrock of bibliography for parenting styles, even after these 45 years. She was
credited for classifying 4 significant dimensions of parenting:
1.
Disciplinary
strategies
2.
Warmth and
nurturance
3.
Communication styles
4.
Expectations of
maturity and control.
Almost
2 decades later, based on these dimensions, it was Maccoby and Martin, who
added another feather of parenting styles. Hence, the 4 kinds of parenting
styles that have evolved today are:
1.
Authoritarian
2.
Permissive.
3.
Authoritative
4.
Uninvolved.
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1.
Authoritarian
Parents
Authoritarian parents
design strict rules for their children to follow and keep the things in order. A
very high standard of conduct is always set and failing to meet such bar by their
children is never easily acceptable. Punishment is often viewed as a solution
to achieve their mark. The parenting climate is harsh and rigid since the
parents are highly ‘obedience and status oriented’.
Such parenting is
often based on the motto, “Do what I say”, since the parents assumes the role
of the ultimate boss. The children have a very limited choice and options. Authoritarian
parents command the children to do work without explaining them why they need
to do it.
Because children are groomed
under tensed emotional climate, they are said to be low self-esteem resentful,
frustrated, and pressurized, fear and socially withdrawn.
2.
Permissive
Parents
Permissive parents are
practically the opposite of authoritarian parents. Children have the control of
everything. Parents are said to make rules, but they are inconsistently enforced
even if it means failure of their children. Hence, in such parenting climate,
children are free to take up as many choices as available (with little parental
guidance), even if they are incapable of being a good decision makers. If the
children fail to reach their expectations, such parents nurture and forgive
instead of being punitive.
Under such parenting
styles, the children are said to be self-centered and demanding, lack of self-discipline,
aggressive and have inclination to clash with their authority.
3.
Authoritative
Parents
Authoritative parents
are also called as democratic parents. They maintain firm expectations, limits
and standards of child’s behavior but at the same time, make them responsible based
on their capacity and let them learn the consequences of their own behavior by
providing clear explanations. The children of such parents are given adequate
autonomy by considering their views and opinions. Good activities and behaviors
are always reinforced. It is often considered as more balanced parenting style
since any kind of limits and standards are established jointly by parents and
children.
The children of such
parents are positive to relationship and society, emotionally stable and
perform better in their lives.
4.
Uninvolved
Parents
As it is clear from the
term itself, such parents are always disengaged from the child’s behavior. It is
also called as disengaged parenting. The parents show extremely low responsiveness
and limited sense of nurture. Such parents are either routinely busy or self-involved
due to which they care less of the child by showing a very less demand.
Children from such
parents are said to be lonely, emotionally and socially withdrawn, develop less
sense of importance to parents and their life, vulnerable to juvenile delinquencies,
addiction and crimes. They will have low self-esteem, stressful life, and poor
performance and often demonstrate defiance to their immediate authority.
It is worth figuring out
one’s own parenting style. There is nothing called ‘late’ in changing it. But to
change it, we need to school our attitude first and develop a high sense of
bond with our own child, which many, are fully aware. I am on a journey to
learn it very soon.
“Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an
opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do” – Matt Walsh
Yep, liked the quote at the end. It is the hardest thing, agree totally !
ReplyDeleteBe a cool parent :)
Plusoned this post on Google plus and tweeted.
Yes, so true...that quote!
ReplyDeleteI have tried hard to be a cool parent...hope I've succeeded.
Not quite sure how to tell though...;)
Another really great post, Dumcho! :)
Great analysis Damcho sir. Always pleasured to read inspiring articles from you.
ReplyDeleteI so agree with that quote. And parenting come sin different styles indeed.
ReplyDelete