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Wednesday, November 5, 2014

U is for an Uncertain Bipolar Disorder

Of late, I had been experiencing a series of hiccups in my mood due to which I am not able to walk on the footpath of my academic blueprint. This subliminal sentiment has by far, colonized the immune system of my mind and has disturbed the geography of my mood and feelings as a result of which I suffer from an anomalous tremor of rise and fall. The whole ecosystem of my temperament has been distorted and amorphous for quite a longtime now. And sadly, the days of the past and current seems to share zero symmetry. This sameness has now grossly become as different as chalk and cheese. 
Opsss.... the masks of bipolar festival       Picture courtesy: Click LINK
But sometimes, the drift of this fluctuation, though severe, is not very strange to me because I am emotionally delicate and that even a mild cataclysm is enough to trigger disharmony in the frame of my mind. I often sustain with a homesick mania for being away even for a few days from my home and families. Thus, in this fashion I often turn blind and consume it to be a drop in the bucket. However, due to its relapsing ability, this has become no more bagatelle to me. Now I am even alarmed if I am not sustaining any of this mental illness.
Scientifically, people who experience such upheavals and mood swings are classified to have endured a kind of biological disorder called the Bipolar Disorder or Manic-depressive illness. During such mental illness, a person is likely to experience a highly elevated or terribly depressive mood. There will be a series of mood drama right from being exceedingly happy and energetic to being sad and crippled and developing inferior complexity. The causes are attributed to hereditary and environmental factors but is clearly not established.
But in the case of mine, happiness is never included in the menu of my mood. Day after other, it is that gloominess that clouds my mind and suffocates from reaching my goal. So, this makes me skeptical if I am suffering from any kind of uncertain bipolar disorder that has probably having more of negative temperament. 

“If I can't feel, if I can't move, if I can't think, and I can't care, then what conceivable point is there in living?”  Kay Redfield Jamison  


  1. I think this is perfectly fine, this is the very nature of so-called life, time will heal though!

    1. Waiting for the time to heal but it has always been a fantasy. I am really enduring this excruciating mood hiccups. Thank you for reading my page.

  2. Damcho sir through reading your post I can sense that your are undergoing emotional turmoil. Therefore I suggest you to practice mindful training that we do in our school. Hope everything will get better very soon.

    1. I had been undergoing under this turmoil certainly but now I think I am gradually falling to my track. Buddy, you know sometimes, our health is simply deteriorated by the kind of people who live around, the place you stay and the meal you take. I basically felt that my swings were all related to those environmental factors.

  3. An altered mood pattern can certainly disrupt ones life, it is a good thing that you have recognised this change within yourself! We all do go through periods of depression at some
    time in our lives when we feel as though there is a dark black cloud following us around. I
    would suggest you try to recall when this change came about so as to discover the cause.
    If your mood does not improve with an altered diet or exercise (a long walk in the park on a
    sunny day can be just as good as a workout in the gym) and you have no idea of the cause
    then you would do well to consider medical advice. Clinical depression can and does affect
    thousands of people and is a condition that does need medical treatment.
    I hope that I have been helpful as depression can be very distressing an debilitating.
    :) Be well my friend.

    1. Well, thank you Rose for your words. I seriously wrote this because I had some swings last week. I knew it was all due to those environmental factors like the academic pressure at this moment. I am feeling much better now. I am thankful for your concern.

  4. I do so hope you are feeling better now, dear friend.
    Such mood swings are dreadful...believe me, I know.
    I was diagnosed with bi-polar many years ago, and my moods swing from total elation to utter despair and thoughts of suicide.
    Like you, I have found that the low moods have recently been becoming more prevalent. Maybe it is due to the approach of winter, maybe not, I'm really not sure. But there is an hereditary link (my father was a sufferer), and according to my doctor, an imbalance of chemicals in the brain is another contributory factor.

    Above all, though, please believe that you are never alone with this. I am suffering with you - albeit many miles away, and I will always be here for you if ever you need a friend.

    Have a good weekend.:)



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