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Thursday, December 11, 2014

The F & F Equation

I always thought that the ‘Friends and Family’ are the two wings that determine the flight of our psychosomatic balance. And for so many reasons based on my personal knowledge, I considered that the existence of the duo within the circumference of our life are dependent on the temperament of one another. In fact, their symbiotic relation is such that, without both, our life stands to be blurred and unsteady. To this special link, I refer it as “F & F Equation”.
As much as the family is important to us, so are friends. But as one begins to have our own family, it is like putting an end to the journey of our friendship.
Picture courtesy: Click LINK 
8 years back during my teaching practice at Samtse, I remember one of the lady teacher sharing me her experiences of losing friends after the marriage. I was often praised that time for surfacing a top notch and convivial friendship with my friends. But what was there in the store of our fate is only lately known.
Like hers, the once used-to-be tied knot of my friendship gradually got slackened and with a few it has withered almost completely. Corrosion seems to have taken place developing some friction in our conversational acceptance. And that longtime ritual of saying “Yes” to the things that one can perform has now turned to a fantasy.    
While family is one thing that deserves a lion’s share of our attention, the friends are another that should obtain some equal dividends too. Even with one’s strong family, I believe, we will still need friends, either high or low. Nothing is as hard and painful than the ache we grieve due to the suspense in our friendship. And it is even more painful when it happens strangely without understanding any concrete reasons.
When friends start moving apart without any reliable rationales, it gives a durable emotional catastrophic kick that keeps on hunting one’s mind to quest for an explanation. That gradually sets the limit in befriending with others as well, because if friends are at the end, there to break our emotions.
But in case of my friends who already have family, I understand that when family starts, there is a reduction in the size of one’s free time. There will be a paradigm shift in prioritizing ‘what-to-do’ and therefore, so many lists has to be managed within the perimeter of one’s clock.
However, it is never a bad idea to say sincere and polite “NO” to our friends for the things that we cannot execute than suspending the response. Sometimes, trying to adjust the rider of the F & F Equation would be worth doing in investing credibility of an acquaintance.    


“The worst solitude is to be the destitute of sincere friendship” – Francis Bacon 

10 comments:

  1. Great post Dumcho Sir, my heartfelt appreciation for your awe-inspiring 'F & F Equation' which proves this God's honest truth that life will seem to be so difficult if either of them misses. They are just like two wings of a bird, if one goes down, the probability of the life to be fruition is very low. So be cool and be armed with two wings of our hope those shall take us towards horizon where plenty of dreams spread.
    Presuming dynamic you, your dear beloved family members and benign friends are all doing great with sound in health. God bless you all. My warm-hearted regards to you la. Take Care. :)

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    1. Thank you Ugyen for the comments. Yup, I am doing fine these days.

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  2. Yes, it is often rather difficult to keep friendships going once we start a family - I certainly learned this the hard way.
    Friends are as important as family to me, and I always try my hardest to make time for them.

    A really great post, Dumcho. Thanks.:)

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    1. I agree Ygraine. But it a life after all. I really had bad experience during the time when I really needed some of my friends but now it is OK. I am done.

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  3. well May bm biased in judgement but i didn't ask to severe off your friendships....

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    1. Nothing of that kind but you know how I felt when I was really in need of their support. But now I am OK.

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  4. Damcho you made a valid point on F&F equation. An equation that an ability create harmony within ourselves and people around us. Always glad to read thought provoking post from you. Keep pouring man.

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    1. Thank you for the compliments buddy. Hope you are keeping fine.

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  5. Great thought on the subject...keep on sharing

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    1. Thank you Mr. Sancha Rai for the comments.

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