‘In the 1950s, 60% of women lost their virginity to the man they were engaged to or married. Today, that figure is just 1%.’ (Allan & Pease, 2009).
The authors of the international best seller ‘Why men want sex and women need love’ answers myriad of questions ranging from why men want sex while women need love to what men and women really want and, why people engage in casual sex to the mysterious truths men don’t know about women and vice versa.
In its most humorously captivating pattern of language expression, this book is a transparent bible for people longing to start a ‘perfect relationship’. There is nothing such as an ideal chemistry or flawless marriage it claims but there is certainly a list of recipes that can help fix our relationships suffering with bruises of loose screws.
The most intriguing experience on reading this book was that whatsoever messages it has composed are erected on the pillar of evidences imbibed from countless standard empirical scientific researches. And as a man, I couldn’t agree more with the male instincts and masculine physiognomies they described. Or else, I might end up with a risk to fall into a column of being androgynous. Seriously.
There are so many seeds of message I want to sow in fallow me and to my circles suffering from irregular drought of ignorance. As much as that inspiration train moved inside me, I wanted to gift this book (and other series by the same authors) to my friends and siblings, and let that same train travel through their veins of understanding. In all, my appetite of reading only non-fiction books was never feasting and treasurable than this ever.
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So, as I unthread each message from every page I flipped, I related as to how same things are generally viewed in the face of our society. One of them was about sex – the matter we often shrink back (at least during day hours) and regard as nighttime or non-family stories.
As elaborated in this book, somewhere at some point, our society is driven with that typical set of thinking about the sex. As much as men practice infidelity, the number is often graphed as a matter of pride or achievement or to reveal sexual masculinity (at least amongst men). For women surrendering to such practices – either casually or due to emotional upsets, sex with each man becomes a thermometer to measure the temperature of their character, loyalty and devotion. This means, higher the frequency - more the recitation of her name on every male-tongue, and greater risk of cataloging as lady with a loose character.
(Similarly), though there wasn’t any mention about virginity (in this book), I extended the circuit of sex to connect with it, after all, virginity is the first introductory question of any sex – asked either openly or secretly.
Virginity in my narrowest sense - meaning amongst the limited circle of friends I intermingled, is largely interpreted with more inclination towards the females. I rarely heard of my male associates initiating to chat or speak of losing their virginity. Whenever we talk of sex and the related stories – the fairly common backbone of male talk in most of the get-together occasions, we clothe virginity with a feminine characteristics. Men rarely regard or remember when and where they murdered their virginity. The way men talks, strangely pictures how they are only concerned about the ‘reproductive purity’ of the women. Perhaps, we boys are brainwashed with the ‘Defloration’ pornography where they expose only young girls ending their virginity by men who have already lost theirs a long time ago.
Virginity in its broadest explanation should not be gender-biased. After all, once we trade off and unpack our reproductive organs into a sexual market either for reproduction or passing our genes, in both the genders, it loses its glamour of rigidity, tarnishes its first-time appearance and distort the geography of its general outlook, if truth be told.
There is nothing to feel aghast. Neither should a reader assume me going crazy or transforming into a sexual expert. Nor am I claiming that I know everything about something. I am none of these. But as Allan and Barbara explains so succinctly why men and women see many of the same things differently, we really need to school our thinking.
And one way to do so is flirting with this book. It really provides orgasm on outlook of sexual education and relationship issues so perfectly, that we understand human relations from a very new set of vantage point.
“Virginity is the ideal of those who want to deflower” – Karl Kraus