When one of my childhood friend who was planning to tie the knot with his recently met girlfriend asked me to prescribe him an ideal marital prescription, that popular Hindi saying flashed on the screen of my mind. This is what I texted to him:
Shaadiwoh ladoo. Jo khayee bachtai.
Jo Nakhayeewohbe bachtai.
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“Why do you ask me? I am neither a matrimonial pundit nor a conjugal guru”.
A vacuum of correspondence ensued. Few minutes later, I wrote:
Marriage is like ladoo. Those who eat, they regret. Even who don’t, they regret.Hope you will now not ask for any subtitles to understand it. I responded.
But before he replied, I texted again: “Welcome to the Hormonal Industry”
“Ha-ha. What is this now?This phrase surely demands a Dzongkha subtitle”, he retorted.
And this is how I vindicated my statement:
Researches have revealed that the level of oxytocin is very high when people fall in love. In men, their testosterone level reduces while the amount of oxytocin increases. This flux in the amount of sexual hormones ensue a faster bonding. The marriage guarantees a legal and social covenant between the two people in love to be together, and that’s the reason why many feel anodyne to travel this road. Hence, marriage is the result of these hormones secreted in our body. So it is basically a hormonal industry!
Once we sign a contract with this industry, the whole template of our habits, perceptions and management patterns, transform completely. Those old unpleasant habits that were unable to die young during bachelorhood either receives renovation or get refurbished or fixed with the gentle breeze of so-called love. But to fix these square pegged habits into the round hole of marriage is always regulated by the buttons of understanding, compromises, sacrifices, devotion and convictions.In some essence, marriage is rather like a literary journey. The winds of unprecedented euphoria of love that exists can transform ourselves into a poet to write a touching poetry or an artist to craft a haunting lyrics of melodies.
While even on brief separations, that aching pain enables us to understand the gravity of emotional torments suffered by John Keats, Shelly and John Milton as expressed through their poetic limbs. We can exactly feel the way they did due to madness of love. One intriguing thing about marriage is that it is a journey of two amalgamated souls with a single dream, sailing to survive the unexpected storms of the life together.At such circumstances, we learn to divide responsibilities and multiply devotion and sentience. As time mellows and as we grow old together, the love also matures into a form of a child-that fountain of happiness which is also a lifeline to sustain our very own genus. More importantly, as we marry, we are promising the child to bestow a set of parent (a father and a mother), a commodity that is rarely found in the market of our society today. On a scientific note, studies have revealed that married people live longer than single, separated, divorced or widowed people, and that, mortality rate is low for almost every disease. In the words of Allan and Barbara (2009), ‘marriage has its good side. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, tolerance, self-restraint and other valuable qualities you wouldn’t need if you had stayed single.
However, marriage is an easiest subject in the world to have an unlimited opinion about, but perhaps the bravest thing to do. Bravest because, we have to ensure it function throughout the span of one’s lifetime. It is not proportional to the number of years. Sometimes, even the concrete ship of marriage that journeyed 50 years suffers a cruel fate of wreckage. When it is on a rough note, which is a result of a screw gone loose, that fury has an ability to transform that once-upon-a-time-heaven into a living hell.
So basically, the voyage of marriage is surprisingly full of ups and downs which is the consequence of same hormones which make us to fall in love.It is not a default mode of human living that always produce the hymn of ‘happily-ever-after’ stuffs.
As I say it, you must understand that there is no single thread of thought to dampen your love. If you don’t marry, people might doubt you as a gay- which is an illegal sexual attraction in our country- or those with a biological education might even doubt you having a hormonal disorder.
So, marriage being the only proof to a true love, embrace it to sail in the cruise ship of your life with your love. Experience, the hard teacher as many say, would teach you on the way of your life.
Good luck, buddy.
“Thank you. As you said, let me start the engine of my marital ship and live every moment of it. Buddy, please note that you are included in the important guest list among those local leaders and business honchos during my wedding ceremony”.
But days folded to weeks and weeks aged to months. I called my friend to ask if he has forgotten to invite me for being his marital therapist some time ago.
But what can the world expect, when he has already experienced those marital hiccups even before he got married with his beloved.
His so-called beloved has become the kept woman to one of the local business tycoon.
And now the question is, how did he lose his beloved to be somebody’s kept women?
“You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable or get married and wish you were dead” – Bob Hope.